A Tax Collector, The Samaritan Woman, and a Few Lepers....

We were at an event the other day in a little town in Arkansas. You know, the kind of town that could give Arkansas a bad name - the ones where teeth are optional, but camo is not. It was that kind of place.

I was sitting with my children watching an event when Elijah started moving down the aisle. I wasn't paying too much attention to him because he was being quiet, until I noticed him going back to the same place over and over. He would run to me, and then run back down to the same chair. I started watching him. He was going to the same person, tapping them on the shoulder, smiling, laughing, and playing for a minute, and then running back. Always the same person though.

Then I saw her. The one he had chosen to be his friend. She didn't have many teeth, didn't look overly clean, was definitely not well dressed, and not really the kind of person I wanted touching my baby.She probably had some weird germs, you see.  You've seen the people I'm talking about. We're not sure where they've been, or when the last time was they bathed, and they might be on meth for goodness sake! Usually we do our best to avoid them.  It looks mean on paper, but it's true. We definitely don't go out of our way to seek them out, and be their friend. 

Then she saw me. Elijah had just run down to her for another round of whatever game they were playing. And she saw me watching. She was reaching out to tickle his belly and instantly pulled her hand back. The smile left her face. She knew. She knew that even though she was accepted by the baby, she wouldn't be approved by the parent. And she was right. EVERYTHING inside me screamed, "Don't touch my kid! You might give him.......something."

But, there's Something inside me greater than myself. Something that said, "Do you remember Zacchaeus the little ornery tax collector? The Samaritan woman who was an outcast? The adulterer that everyone wanted to stone because she was "dirty?" How about the lepers? Everyone had a really good reason for not letting them touch their babies!"

Those were the ones He picked. He went down the "aisle" of life and stopped at their chairs. And He kept coming back. To the same places. He didn't just give them a superficial smile, so others could see he accepted them, He went to their homes for dinner. Jesus made an effort to become their best friend.

They are the ones that are hurting, rejected, that need Jesus, that need to see we really are His hands and feet. And we avoid them. My heart cries even as I write this. I know my heart and it's not what I want it to be.

The Bible says we should have faith like children. I think sometimes we need to see others like children do also. Elijah didn't see any of the things about this woman that I saw. He wanted a new friend, and she did too. He didn't just accept her, he gave her friendship. He caused her heart to smile.

......I looked up at the woman, smiled, and nodded my head. I gave her the OK. I didn't want to, but I had to. She smiled back at me and reached out....and touched my baby. 

Trail Riding in the Mountains

On our vacation we did three death defying activities. We faced a mama bear with her cubs, we went white water rafting, and we went on a trail ride. The trail ride definitely being the scariest of the three!

I'm scared of horses. I'm not talking about the kind of fear I wrote about here. I'm talking about an extreme respect kind of fear. Now don't get me wrong, beautiful horses out in a lush green field, behind a nice white fence, don't bother me in the least. In fact in my imaginary farm I would probably own a few.

I'm very afraid of riding horses. The last time I rode was well over 20 years ago. I was scared to death and didn't see a need to put myself in that situation again. I like things with motors that I can control.

For some strange reason when we were planning our trip, trail riding through the Smoky Mountains on a horse sounded romantic...... (It's not, just so you know.) We decided to give it a try. I mean, really, how scary can a trail horse be?

I looked up several venues for trail riding and found one that boasted of "big man horses." I have a big man, so I thought it was a good fit. We arrived first thing in the morning and were the only ones in line for trail riding. It was a beautiful spring morning in the mountains. The only non beautiful part was that I was about to get on a horse.

We went out to the barn while the man saddled our horses. Then I saw them, the big man horses. Whoa. They were big. Over 6 feet at the shoulder. And he was saddling TWO of them. There was only two of us. I quickly asked, "Don't you have any Shetland Ponies?" The man laughed. He thought I was kidding. I wasn't. I wanted something my feet could touch the ground, and I could walk along while riding.

To my great relief he did have another horse for me. Not a Shetland Pony, but not Goliath either. He pulled her up to me and said, "This is Killer." And then he laughed again. He thought he was funny. I didn't. They must not have frightened customers very frequently.

There were signs everywhere (for the amateurs like me) that said, "Saddles don't keep you on the horse, you must balance!" "What kind of deal is that?" I thought." I want a saddle that ties me to this animal!" Then in our prep talk, the guide said, "There is a section of trail on the side of the mountain where there is no railing. We've never had  a horse step off before....." Before now! I was sure Killer and I were going over the side of that mountain!

I was ready to get off the horse, except I had no clue how to get down. So, we headed up the mountain. Killer didn't like being behind....anyone. She wanted to lead the pack. We were the second horse in the line, and she spent the whole time with her nose touching the lead horse's patushy. And the lead horse had gas. Bad gas. (I don't make this stuff up, people!) Hence the non romantic part of trail riding. The ambiance of horse gas is NOT romantic. At all. I spent a lot of my time trying to hold her back just so I could get some fresh air.

I did end up actually enjoying riding the horse. It was not nearly as scary as I remembered. And we didn't even step off the mountain! I was thinking that I might could get into this horse riding stuff after all. Then I stepped off the horse and walked bow legged for the next hour. Nah....It's not worth it.

Turns out my horse's name was actually Little Kentucky.....

Living With Fear

FEAR.

There is so much emotion tied up in the word fear. I know it well, for fear and I have lived together a long time. Sometimes through Christ I'm an overcomer, sometimes fear overcomes me.

Dan and I have been married for ten and a half years now. A couple years ago I had determined that we would take our first "alone" trip for our 10th anniversary. It was my idea, and I thought it was a great one. Until it came time to go. Then FEAR hit. Those of you who live with fear know why I capitalized it. Fear can be a huge thing. Debilitating.

Satan started hurling fear spears at me. First, it was the fact that no one can watch my children as well as me. If something happened to one of them while I away, I would never forgive myself for going. I was becoming consumed with these thoughts, and they all started with, "what ifs." None of it was reality. Which is how fear comes. I finally came to terms with the fact that God can take better care of my children then I ever can. Peace filled my heart. I knew I wanted to spend this time with my husband, focusing on who we are. I was at rest, ready to go.....

Then the thoughts started again, "What if we die?!" You know, in a car wreck, or on the river, or in a mud slide, or on the trail ride, or, or, or, or..... Who will take care of my children? It's not fair for us to go and take that chance. We shouldn't go. We'll just stay home.

Fear wants to win. Every time. It wants to keep us from living. It wants to keep us from good gifts from God. It wants to make our minds crazy.

And it can.

I decided to go. I wasn't going to let fear win. I was going to have a good time.

Then Dan decided we were going to raft the Ocoee River. We had previously rafted part of it 10 years ago. Before kids. He decided that we were going to raft the whole thing, including the part that is a bit more intense. Satan threw a huge fear dart at me. I was scared to death. The fear of rafting this river was worse than the other fears I had been dealing with. I would wake up at night and not be able to sleep because I was so worried that something would happen to us on this river. I didn't want to go.

I know this whole scenario sounds silly to most of you. I've had those same thoughts. I've seen people have a fear of going to new places, so much so that they just don't go. Fear of meeting new people, fear of trying new things, fear of change. All these things sound very silly to me. My advice is, "Get over it, and just do it."

I found myself in this place. The place of, "I don't think I can get over this and just do it. I'm scared to death. I'm just going to stay home"  This was a new fear for me, usually adventure only has to call my name once.

So, I told Dan that I wasn't going to go. I had already overcome great fear to come on this trip and I was done. "I'm staying back," I told him. He looked at me and said, "No you're not. You're not going to let fear rule your life."  My thought was, "What's new? It already does."

But, I don't want it to. I want Jesus to take it away. You know what I found out though? The fear didn't go away. Not for lack of praying for sure. Every day I fought the battle in my mind. I didn't want Satan to win. I don't want fear to be in charge of what I do. I want Christ to overcome fear through me.

I have learned a few things over the last week. Jesus Christ doesn't always take away our problems. Sometimes I think He allows things in our lives so that we remember that we need Him. How soon I can forget that I need Him! I am reminded of Paul when he said, "And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure." 2 Cor. 12:7

Fear. It's my "thorn in the flesh." I reminds me daily I need God. It causes me to cry out to Him. It makes me realize that I without Him, I CANNOT be.

Now the rest of the story. I took Dan's advice. (And my own to other people.) I moved forward. The fear was not gone, but I chose to go anyway. Sometimes we have to step out even when we're fearful. I went rafting. It was great fun. And then my fears came to pass. Something went wrong as we were surfing a rapid. Four people were sucked out of our boat. I looked around and saw everyone but Dan. I couldn't find him. Then we saw his helmet come up, but that was all, his head didn't surface. Even as I write this the emotions I felt come welling up inside me again. He was caught in a hydraulic undertow, and he couldn't get out. Two years ago a 38 year old man drowned on this river in a circumstance like that. I was scared to death. Then the water, an angel, God, something, suddenly spit him out and he swam gasping to the side of the boat.

And I knew something. God is greater than fear. God is greater than circumstances. God is in control. I am not,  I cannot, I never will be. Even when our fears come to pass, God is still greater. Even when Satan brings fear, God still determines the final outcome. God is the only One who knows the future and God is holding me in His hand. I live with fear. Sometimes daily. And daily, I am reminded that I need a Saviour.

I would much rather write about the amusing things of life, things that make me smile and  laugh. But this is part of this thing called life too.This is my everyday life.

Age.....It's A Beautiful Thing

So......I feel 24. I try not to look in the mirror because I don't see 24. But that's what I feel.

My body's been fighting with me about this lately. My body insists that we are no longer 24, but 34. Unfortunately for me my metabolism agrees with my body. Hence those after baby pounds and pooches have ceased to leave me as they have done in the past. I have determined that this was NOT going to happen to me. I've always had a high metabolism and I intended to keep it! Did you know your metabolism tremendously drops in your 30s? 30s!!!! And here I thought the 30s was the new 20s.

It seems your self control changes once you hit your 30s also. The problem with this is it doesn't seem to decrease... I used to eat one small brownie and be completely satisfied. Now I eat one small pan of brownies and then I'm satisfied. (This might be contributing to the bulge, but I doubt it.)

Well, I've decided it's time to do something about the unwanted bulge around my middle. (Especially after my TWENTY year old sister said, "Yes, I noticed you had that....."  She'll be 34 one of these days.) I began exercising. I did this for TWO WEEKS and nothing happened!!! Nothing. Two weeks. Nothing. Still have a bulge..... I've decided to do something different.

I purchased my first "shapewear item." The word "shapewear" is code for "squish it all in." Shapewear sounds much nicer. I recieved my "shapewear" in the mail today. I took it out and looked at it. It appeared to be nice little tank top. Little did I know about how deceiving looks can be, being inexperienced with these kinds of garments.  I've learned two things about shapewear in the short time I've owned it.
     
     1. If you have claustrophobia, don't bother with shapewear. As I squeezed into this thing I could feel myself start to have anxieties. Then the hyperventilation began. Those little tanks are tight! Breathing is optional once you get it on.

     2. Don't EVER, and I repeat, EVER try to get shapewear on or off without having someone around who can help you. These are NOT  "do it yourself" garments! I managed to get the thing on after much duress. (and hyperventilating.) But, I could not get it off. It rolled up in a tight roll right under my armpits and that's where it stayed. It was stuck. I was stuck...in my shapewear! It would neither go up....or down. The claustrophobia really kicked in then. I couldn't figure out what to do. My kids were the only other people home, and I thought the sight of me flailing around while hyperventilating might scare them. Especially with a rolled up tank stuck under my armpits. I thought maybe I should call and ask for a refund, and while they were on the phone ask if perhaps they send out technical support to help people get these things off.

In the end I did calm myself down enough to eventually get my shapewear off.....by myself.  I burned enough calories that I don't think I'll have to do my workout today. In fact just to recover from the stress, I may have to bake a small pan of brownies.....

   

The Happys

Things that make me happy:

warm sunshine
new spring leaves
summer evenings
picnics
rivers
flowers
ice cream cones eaten outside while they melt
strawberry limeades during happy hour at Sonic
the smell of camping food
riding my bike - every time I go I forget how much I love it.
riding in a convertible
playing in my own backyard
sisters
and my brother
days when there is nothing that HAS to be done
warm breezes
music
wading in a creek
learning
eating chocolate
my husband
the first day of school
the last day of school
baby deer
laughing
being with friends
my entire family sitting on one couch
Sunday lunch at my parents'
drinking hot tea with Dan
Christmas
board games
making smores
life

What give you the happys?

My Aviary

We were outside swinging and making up funny songs this afternoon. It's a beautiful day. You know, the kind of day that it is surely a sin to be indoors. Elijah loves to swing in the baby swing. I think he would stay out there for hours if someone would stay there and push him. The other kids were respectively on their swings and we were singing this song:

It's fun to swing,
While we sing,
In the spring.

We jump up high,
In the sky,
It's like we fly!!!

Our rhyming really went downhill after that, so I'll just write the good verses here.

As you can see, we're quite the song writers. If we could find someone to sing them, I'm sure we would be famous.....

 Rylie, who really loves to write things down, ran inside to grab her notebook so we could remember our song. I had just spun Zack on his swing and he was screaming bloody murder as he was holding on to the bottom of the swing spinning furiously. All of the sudden Rylie began screaming also. "Mom!!!!! There's a bird in our house!!!!!" she squealed. Now I had two children screaming. We live in a retirement neighborhood and our neighbors just LOVE us..... I was just beginning to think that maybe Zack needed rescued when I ditched him to check out the aviary that used to be my house.

I reached the house in time to see a cute little bird flying around my family room. My first thought was, "birds can't control their colons, it's going to poop all over my house!!" My second thought was, "How are we going to chase it out without touching it?" (I'm deathly afraid of mites and diseases.) As the rest of the kids trailed in, the bird flew off into the other part of the house. Out of fear I'm sure.

I then began to squeal. Loudly and frequently. My fear of diseases and mites was escalating with every squeal. And NOW this bird was SOMEWHERE in my house spreading disease. (And most likely pooping.)

I hollered at the kids to go down the hall, find the bird, chase it towards the front of the house, and close all the bedroom doors! While they were doing that I went to prop the front door open so it could fly out. As I was opening the door, Rylie came in and informed me that I almost stepped on the poor little bird. At that message I started jumping around and squealing all over again at the mere thought of squishing a little bird between my toes.

It was lying there looking quite dead. I assumed there were two possible reasons for this. 1. We scared it to death with all our squealing (OK, my squealing.) and running around like madmen. 2. It hit the window trying desperately to escape the madmen and stunned itself. We're going with option 2.

Now we had a couple of problems. We have a cat who is an avid hunter. She's quite fat right now though and prefers slow animals. A stunned bird is very slow. I was sure she would eat her. The other problem was how to get it outside without spreading diseases and mites by touching it.

I fixed the first problem by locking the fat hunter in the garage. Zack fixed the second problem by using Dan's shoe to scoot the bird out the door.

Now my last problem is how to keep Dan from reading this post as he is constantly telling us to CLOSE the back door.........smile.....

Race me Mom?

Kade loves to run. Not run like a normal kid, more like a marathon runner. He can go forever. The older two kids will wear out long before he does.

"Race me, Mom," he said to me the other day. "OK," I agreed all the while thinking that running is not quite what it used to be. "Where do you want to race to?" I asked him. He pointed in the distance The far distance. "That tree over there." he replied. "Kade, I said, I can barely SEE that tree!" "It's OK, Mom", he said reassuringly. "Let's race to THAT tree," I suggest. "Mom, I can TOUCH that tree from here. I know. "But, I might have a chance," I say.

"I can beat you if you race to my tree," he says.

Of course you will. I'll die half way there. Or, I will have to stop and catch my breath......three times......while you're winning. I don't like to lose. Especially to a five year old.

We raced. I won. Barely. I'm only going to admit that here. Next year I probably won't be winning. I may have to fake an injury. With the length of Kade's races it might not be fake.

I love it though. I love the fact that my kids want to race me. They like playing games with me. They want to be WITH me. I like that. It makes my heart sing. It makes me want to race, even though I'm sure I look silly, and I'm probably going to lose.

I'm pretty sure that's how God feels when we WANT to be with Him. I think it makes His heart sing. We were created to WANT to be WITH Him. When my life is crazy, I try to remember that.