Hiding

My husband just tried to come into the bedroom to say hi to me after a long day. The door was locked, and I informed him I would not be coming out until the children were in bed. He asked if I didn't want to see him. I calmly told him it had nothing to do with him, and when the children were asleep I would come out of hiding.

Hiding. It seems like the most logical thing to do at the moment.

It's been one of those days...

You know those days....

At least I hope you do; I hope I'm not the only one.

So many crazy things going on at the same time in your life, and yet you look around and you still have little faces looking up at you. Little faces that have nothing to do when any of the craziness, yet there they are in the middle of it. And you're trying to keep sane.

Then it happens. In the midst of all the outside things going on in your life, one of those sweet faces informs you he is not doing his school work today. In fact he's going to do nothing, he tells you.

It happened today. I almost laughed at the absurdity of it. "Do nothing? You're not serious?" I said. I came back in 15 minutes to find that he was. There he was on the couch. Still doing nothing.

"All day, you're going to do nothing?" I asked. "Yes," he replied.

A little part of me wanted to freak out. (Maybe it was a big part of me....I'm not sure.) Not so much because of the sweet face (that didn't look so sweet at the moment) looking up at me, but because of everything else. You know the stuff we moms carry around in our brains that have nothing to do with the situation at hand.

I wanted to make a scene. I wanted to jump up and down and yell, "How am I supposed to get everything done that I need to get done if you won't do anything!!"

God's grace prevailed. I calmly said,  (without jumping) "You are right. You will not be doing anything today, anything that you WANT to do, that is. You will be doing your school, with some chores thrown in." 

He told me I was a very mean mom. I wanted to be.

It wasn't the end of it. It was a long battle today. I really wanted to give in. When the big yellow bus came by our house, I wanted to tell him to get on it.

Parenting is not for the weak.

It's so hard not to let the stresses in my life affect how I parent. Especially when they push me to the limits.

Then I remember -

I love that stubborn child more than anything. I think every day that if we can make it through these molding years, he is gong to be an amazing adult. If we both survive, I can't wait to see how God is going to use him and his unique quirks. It will happen. He will grow up. He will have his own kids, and he will remember these days. I mostly want him to remember though, that I love him. Even when he's unlovable.

Because sometimes I am unlovable too. Especially in weeks like this week. Weeks where my world affects my momminess. I don't like it, but it happens.

Just a bit ago he looked up at me with his sweet face with a look that reminded me how much he loves me too. And how sorry he is for the day. I reminded him that tomorrow is a new day.

But for right now, I'm still hiding...