A Mom's Thoughts on a Kidnapping.

I'm a mom.

A mom.

 Days like today I don't want to be a mom. I almost wish I wasn't. I don't want to be responsible for the welfare of four young children. I don't want to have to make the decisions that might not turn out. I. Don't. Want. To. I want to lie in my bed and scream. Scream that it's not fair. That it should not be.

Life shouldn't be like this.

You see, I have a friend, and she had a niece. A niece that was kidnapped in a town not far from me yesterday and murdered. A beautiful 10 year old girl who will never turn 11.

 It's not fair.

I'm scared. I don't want my children to leave my sight. I don't want them to sleep in their own rooms. I don't even want to let them out in their own backyard to play. My son may never ride his bike down the street again. I know it sounds crazy, but I'm spilling my gut here. And this is what I'm feeling.

There's a lump in my throat and a sickness in the pit of my stomach. I want to move. Get away from.... the world.

Then I have a reality check: We live here.  Here on this earth. There's nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide. No guarantees.

Maybe we could all hide in a room. With the door locked. And no windows. Maybe one of those bomb shelters from the sixties. No one could get in, and we couldn't get out. No one could even see us or our children. We could stay there until, I don't know, forever? And hide. In the dark.

Sounds good at the moment.

"But, what kind of existence is that?" I think. "It's not," my heart says. "There's no living in the hiding. There's no freedom in fear."

"Why did this happen?" Everyone wants to know. "I HAVE NO IDEA!!!"  I want to scream. And I don't. And the lump comes back to my throat.

I do know we live in a fallen world. One that's not perfect and never will be until Christ comes and makes all things new. I also know that no matter what I do, I can't guarantee my children will survive tomorrow, or tonight, for that matter. In my heart I know that keeping them in a bomb shelter will only stifle their lives instead of strengthen them.

We were meant to live in the light. We were meant to spread our wings. To try new things and discover. To experiment and explore. To live up to our full potential. To be what HE created us to be.

You can't do that while you're hiding from "what might happen." Neither can your kids. Or mine.

Sometimes "things" do happen. Terrible things. We do our best to teach and prepare our kids, but sometimes they still happen..... Sin reigns on this earth we live on. But the truth is, that's exactly where Satan wants us to be. So scared of the bad that we can't do any good.  That we aren't any good.

I don't want that to be me. I want to let my kids enjoy the "sunshine" of this life. I want to trust in Someone greater than myself. I choose to trust that even in the midst of the heartache and craziness  of this life that God is still working, and that I have a purpose greater than hiding.

There is NO living in the hiding.

I keep reminding myself that, and I keep praying for this dear family.