Do you
remember the movie “The Bees?” Or maybe there wasn’t a movie called “The Bees.”
Maybe it was just “The Birds.” I don’t know. All I know is it was scary and I
wasn’t allowed to see it. So, I never saw either one (if there are two), but I
lived it the other day. My experience wasn’t so much called “The Bees”, but
rather “The Bee.”
And, oohhhh
it was scary.
I’ve always
heard the saying, “mad as a hornet.” I didn’t experientially know it was
true…….until last week.
I was out taking
a bike ride with my four kids down by the river when we stopped to do some
exploring on the grassy river bank. I was walking around carrying Elijah, minding my own business when I lifted my leg to take a step and trapped a bee
inside my shorts. Yes, INSIDE my
shorts. He promptly stung me. It was probably in a desperate last ditch effort
to save his life from being squished between my thigh and shorts. I admit I was
a tad bit understanding of his actions considering I definitely wouldn’t want
to be trapped, unable to breathe in between someone’s fat thigh and shorts. I
quickly let him out, mainly because I didn’t want to get stung again.
But that
wasn’t the end of it. He was mad. I mean MAD!! He had full intentions of
letting me know of his unhappiness with the situation. He began chasing me.
I’ve never been actually chased and attacked by a bee before. It was
frightening! I’m not sure what response he was looking for out of me, but I
began running and flailing my arms. He should have been satisfied with that
because it was a pretty humorous sight.
But, no. He
continued to try to kill me for capturing him in my shorts. He soon decided
torturing me wasn’t quite enough and decided to go for my baby. I knew how badly it hurt to be stung, so I
snatched Elijah up and tried to make my escape with him. There was no escaping!
That was the most persistent bee I have ever seen. Everywhere we went he chased
us. He managed to sting Elijah under the chin, and still he was not satisfied.
I figured this was a fight to the finish and so far I was losing. Now that I
didn’t have two arms to flail at the bee, I
grabbed a long stick off the ground and began swinging it around like a madman.
I’m not a very good hitter when it comes to baseball, and the bat is much
bigger than my stick and the ball is a whole lot larger than that bee! I didn’t
have a prayer. I’m sure the campers observing from the top of the hill thought
I was a crazy woman running around in circles with my child in my arms violently
swinging a long stick at what appeared to be nothing. (Bees are so sneaky.)
If you are
wondering what my other children were doing during all this time, let me tell
you they weren’t helping me! They were staying as far away as possible! There
was no, “I got your back, Mom.” Looking back now, I’m not sure if they were
staying so far away because they were afraid of the bee, or if their fear was
their crazy mom wildly swinging that stick everywhere. They couldn’t have
gotten close if they had wanted to without getting whacked. I was
swinging at everything.
I’m kind of
embarrassed to admit it, but eventually I left my bike on the riverbank and ran
for my life. It was every man for himself at that point. I took the baby with
me and just hoped the other kids would make it out alive. I decided if you were
over 5 you were on your own.
Score:
Bee – 10
Me - 0
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