A Tax Collector, The Samaritan Woman, and a Few Lepers....

We were at an event the other day in a little town in Arkansas. You know, the kind of town that could give Arkansas a bad name - the ones where teeth are optional, but camo is not. It was that kind of place.

I was sitting with my children watching an event when Elijah started moving down the aisle. I wasn't paying too much attention to him because he was being quiet, until I noticed him going back to the same place over and over. He would run to me, and then run back down to the same chair. I started watching him. He was going to the same person, tapping them on the shoulder, smiling, laughing, and playing for a minute, and then running back. Always the same person though.

Then I saw her. The one he had chosen to be his friend. She didn't have many teeth, didn't look overly clean, was definitely not well dressed, and not really the kind of person I wanted touching my baby.She probably had some weird germs, you see.  You've seen the people I'm talking about. We're not sure where they've been, or when the last time was they bathed, and they might be on meth for goodness sake! Usually we do our best to avoid them.  It looks mean on paper, but it's true. We definitely don't go out of our way to seek them out, and be their friend. 

Then she saw me. Elijah had just run down to her for another round of whatever game they were playing. And she saw me watching. She was reaching out to tickle his belly and instantly pulled her hand back. The smile left her face. She knew. She knew that even though she was accepted by the baby, she wouldn't be approved by the parent. And she was right. EVERYTHING inside me screamed, "Don't touch my kid! You might give him.......something."

But, there's Something inside me greater than myself. Something that said, "Do you remember Zacchaeus the little ornery tax collector? The Samaritan woman who was an outcast? The adulterer that everyone wanted to stone because she was "dirty?" How about the lepers? Everyone had a really good reason for not letting them touch their babies!"

Those were the ones He picked. He went down the "aisle" of life and stopped at their chairs. And He kept coming back. To the same places. He didn't just give them a superficial smile, so others could see he accepted them, He went to their homes for dinner. Jesus made an effort to become their best friend.

They are the ones that are hurting, rejected, that need Jesus, that need to see we really are His hands and feet. And we avoid them. My heart cries even as I write this. I know my heart and it's not what I want it to be.

The Bible says we should have faith like children. I think sometimes we need to see others like children do also. Elijah didn't see any of the things about this woman that I saw. He wanted a new friend, and she did too. He didn't just accept her, he gave her friendship. He caused her heart to smile.

......I looked up at the woman, smiled, and nodded my head. I gave her the OK. I didn't want to, but I had to. She smiled back at me and reached out....and touched my baby. 

Trail Riding in the Mountains

On our vacation we did three death defying activities. We faced a mama bear with her cubs, we went white water rafting, and we went on a trail ride. The trail ride definitely being the scariest of the three!

I'm scared of horses. I'm not talking about the kind of fear I wrote about here. I'm talking about an extreme respect kind of fear. Now don't get me wrong, beautiful horses out in a lush green field, behind a nice white fence, don't bother me in the least. In fact in my imaginary farm I would probably own a few.

I'm very afraid of riding horses. The last time I rode was well over 20 years ago. I was scared to death and didn't see a need to put myself in that situation again. I like things with motors that I can control.

For some strange reason when we were planning our trip, trail riding through the Smoky Mountains on a horse sounded romantic...... (It's not, just so you know.) We decided to give it a try. I mean, really, how scary can a trail horse be?

I looked up several venues for trail riding and found one that boasted of "big man horses." I have a big man, so I thought it was a good fit. We arrived first thing in the morning and were the only ones in line for trail riding. It was a beautiful spring morning in the mountains. The only non beautiful part was that I was about to get on a horse.

We went out to the barn while the man saddled our horses. Then I saw them, the big man horses. Whoa. They were big. Over 6 feet at the shoulder. And he was saddling TWO of them. There was only two of us. I quickly asked, "Don't you have any Shetland Ponies?" The man laughed. He thought I was kidding. I wasn't. I wanted something my feet could touch the ground, and I could walk along while riding.

To my great relief he did have another horse for me. Not a Shetland Pony, but not Goliath either. He pulled her up to me and said, "This is Killer." And then he laughed again. He thought he was funny. I didn't. They must not have frightened customers very frequently.

There were signs everywhere (for the amateurs like me) that said, "Saddles don't keep you on the horse, you must balance!" "What kind of deal is that?" I thought." I want a saddle that ties me to this animal!" Then in our prep talk, the guide said, "There is a section of trail on the side of the mountain where there is no railing. We've never had  a horse step off before....." Before now! I was sure Killer and I were going over the side of that mountain!

I was ready to get off the horse, except I had no clue how to get down. So, we headed up the mountain. Killer didn't like being behind....anyone. She wanted to lead the pack. We were the second horse in the line, and she spent the whole time with her nose touching the lead horse's patushy. And the lead horse had gas. Bad gas. (I don't make this stuff up, people!) Hence the non romantic part of trail riding. The ambiance of horse gas is NOT romantic. At all. I spent a lot of my time trying to hold her back just so I could get some fresh air.

I did end up actually enjoying riding the horse. It was not nearly as scary as I remembered. And we didn't even step off the mountain! I was thinking that I might could get into this horse riding stuff after all. Then I stepped off the horse and walked bow legged for the next hour. Nah....It's not worth it.

Turns out my horse's name was actually Little Kentucky.....

Living With Fear

FEAR.

There is so much emotion tied up in the word fear. I know it well, for fear and I have lived together a long time. Sometimes through Christ I'm an overcomer, sometimes fear overcomes me.

Dan and I have been married for ten and a half years now. A couple years ago I had determined that we would take our first "alone" trip for our 10th anniversary. It was my idea, and I thought it was a great one. Until it came time to go. Then FEAR hit. Those of you who live with fear know why I capitalized it. Fear can be a huge thing. Debilitating.

Satan started hurling fear spears at me. First, it was the fact that no one can watch my children as well as me. If something happened to one of them while I away, I would never forgive myself for going. I was becoming consumed with these thoughts, and they all started with, "what ifs." None of it was reality. Which is how fear comes. I finally came to terms with the fact that God can take better care of my children then I ever can. Peace filled my heart. I knew I wanted to spend this time with my husband, focusing on who we are. I was at rest, ready to go.....

Then the thoughts started again, "What if we die?!" You know, in a car wreck, or on the river, or in a mud slide, or on the trail ride, or, or, or, or..... Who will take care of my children? It's not fair for us to go and take that chance. We shouldn't go. We'll just stay home.

Fear wants to win. Every time. It wants to keep us from living. It wants to keep us from good gifts from God. It wants to make our minds crazy.

And it can.

I decided to go. I wasn't going to let fear win. I was going to have a good time.

Then Dan decided we were going to raft the Ocoee River. We had previously rafted part of it 10 years ago. Before kids. He decided that we were going to raft the whole thing, including the part that is a bit more intense. Satan threw a huge fear dart at me. I was scared to death. The fear of rafting this river was worse than the other fears I had been dealing with. I would wake up at night and not be able to sleep because I was so worried that something would happen to us on this river. I didn't want to go.

I know this whole scenario sounds silly to most of you. I've had those same thoughts. I've seen people have a fear of going to new places, so much so that they just don't go. Fear of meeting new people, fear of trying new things, fear of change. All these things sound very silly to me. My advice is, "Get over it, and just do it."

I found myself in this place. The place of, "I don't think I can get over this and just do it. I'm scared to death. I'm just going to stay home"  This was a new fear for me, usually adventure only has to call my name once.

So, I told Dan that I wasn't going to go. I had already overcome great fear to come on this trip and I was done. "I'm staying back," I told him. He looked at me and said, "No you're not. You're not going to let fear rule your life."  My thought was, "What's new? It already does."

But, I don't want it to. I want Jesus to take it away. You know what I found out though? The fear didn't go away. Not for lack of praying for sure. Every day I fought the battle in my mind. I didn't want Satan to win. I don't want fear to be in charge of what I do. I want Christ to overcome fear through me.

I have learned a few things over the last week. Jesus Christ doesn't always take away our problems. Sometimes I think He allows things in our lives so that we remember that we need Him. How soon I can forget that I need Him! I am reminded of Paul when he said, "And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure." 2 Cor. 12:7

Fear. It's my "thorn in the flesh." I reminds me daily I need God. It causes me to cry out to Him. It makes me realize that I without Him, I CANNOT be.

Now the rest of the story. I took Dan's advice. (And my own to other people.) I moved forward. The fear was not gone, but I chose to go anyway. Sometimes we have to step out even when we're fearful. I went rafting. It was great fun. And then my fears came to pass. Something went wrong as we were surfing a rapid. Four people were sucked out of our boat. I looked around and saw everyone but Dan. I couldn't find him. Then we saw his helmet come up, but that was all, his head didn't surface. Even as I write this the emotions I felt come welling up inside me again. He was caught in a hydraulic undertow, and he couldn't get out. Two years ago a 38 year old man drowned on this river in a circumstance like that. I was scared to death. Then the water, an angel, God, something, suddenly spit him out and he swam gasping to the side of the boat.

And I knew something. God is greater than fear. God is greater than circumstances. God is in control. I am not,  I cannot, I never will be. Even when our fears come to pass, God is still greater. Even when Satan brings fear, God still determines the final outcome. God is the only One who knows the future and God is holding me in His hand. I live with fear. Sometimes daily. And daily, I am reminded that I need a Saviour.

I would much rather write about the amusing things of life, things that make me smile and  laugh. But this is part of this thing called life too.This is my everyday life.