We were sitting in church on a Wednesday night. My son leaned over to me and whispered, "Mom, do you want to play Hangman?" I was a little surprised. This child is my struggling learner - word games are not his thing. I whispered back, "Sure." He wanted to go first. He is seven, but there are very few words he can write from memory. I knew it wasn't going to be too hard. He drew his hangman's noose, and made four spaces. I guessed a few letters off just for fun. It was his name, and I knew it before we even started. The next word he picked had three spaces. I guessed e and a. The first letter was e and there was no a. "T," I said. He put the T in the last spot. E _ T.....hmmm.. I kept guessing random letters, all of which he said were not there. He finally looked up at me and whispered, "Mom, why can't you get this? I read it in my reading all the time!" It hit me like a brick. "H," I said. "Yes!" he whispered excitedly, "E-H-T - 'the', Mom, it spells 'the'! Didn't you know?"
No, I didn't. But, suddenly I did. Suddenly everything started making sense. This child who has had such a hard time in school - this momma who the last two years has felt like a complete failure, feeling like I have absolutely NO CLUE how to teach my child after successfully teaching two others.
I quickly grabbed a piece of paper, leaned over to him, and whispered, "Write me any words you can think of." He could think of three, and could write none of them from memory correctly. I no longer felt like I was in church, my mind was running so fast I couldn't keep up with it. "That's it! He has dyslexia," I thought. "I don't know anything about dyslexia. What are we going to do? How am I going to teach him? I know NOTHING about dyslexia!" I took the paper from my son and put it in front of my husband, who was actually trying to listen to the sermon. "Look," I whispered. He took the paper, looked at it, then up at me.
We had both discussed this child many times. We realized that learning was hard for him, but weren't sure why. Many times I thought it was me. In a way it was - I don't know how to teach how he thinks.
That night we went home and became students of dyslexia. I learned more about it in the next 24 hours then I would have thought possible. I had websites marked, curriculum to look at, people to call, and classes to try to get into. And I felt overwhelmed. Relieved and overwhelmed at the same time. Relieved that I had an answer and overwhelmed because I've never walked this road before.
But here I am.
This is what parenting is about isn't it? Each child that we have is so beautifully unique, and we must become students of that uniqueness. Some are much harder than others. One of mine is dyslexic, other parents have children that have tougher challenges - Autism, Down Syndrome, disease, and others that I don't even know about. Then there's the child with anxieties, social issues, and even plain ole strong will. (I have one of those too!)
We find out something about our child, maybe at birth, two, four, or, like me, seven, and we feel discouraged, and overwhelmed, sometimes very alone.
And then there is......
Hope.
You find you are not alone. There is hope in community. Community made up of parents that have already been there. They care because they know. They pass on the hope.
There is hope when you become a student of your child. First it's little bits of light shining through, but the more you learn, the light begins to grow.
There is hope because you learn to be strong. A boldness in you comes out of nowhere. I found myself making phone calls and asking for help from places I never thought I would.
There is hope because you actually find answers. You start putting into place the things you're learning and you see that same hope come onto your child's face as things start to make sense to him. And it is a glorious moment.
Don't get me wrong - there is discouragement also. The discouragement comes in knowing that you cannot change what your child is. That some things will always be different. Harder. More time consuming. Difficult to explain.
The answer - You must not live in the discouragement. You will be discouraged, but don't stay there! To dwell there is to fail the beautiful child God has given you. To dwell there robs your joy.
The phonics curriculum I own and know does not work with my child. Teaching him to read and write well is not going to be easy. His little brain thinks way beyond what mine does. I am learning to try think like him, so I can learn with him. I am buying new curriculum - stuff I've never heard of before. I'm taking a class, watching dvds, talking with other parents, and researching.
I have become a student of my child. And our relationship has grown. When we pass a sign that has a flag on it and my son says, "Look, Mom, it's the ASU flag!" I say, "It sure is." I've stopped correcting all the time and started learning a better way.
We are both finding hope.
