How to Grab a Teachable Moment with a Tough Child

Children give us so many opportunities to teach, but so often we fall into the trap of reacting rather than raising.

I have a particular child that is a little harder to raise than the others. I love him more than I can say, but some days the raising is tough. He loves to challenge, argue, and push the limits. Frequently. He can get a rise out of me quicker than I can blink my eyes. The parent I thought I would be before I had kids is not always the parent that I am in reality.

We went through a really challenging spell here a few weeks ago. It seemed that emotions were rampant and anger was contagious.

He would get angry at the drop of the hat - at me, his siblings, the world.....  And I would react, "Don't be so angry!" I would say angrily. And then my heart would sink. How can I help my child overcome anger if I get angry at him when he gets angry? That's a lot of angry right there, but that's where we found ourselves.

At one point we (his parents) were feeling desperate about what to do. He felt like we were always on his case, and we were getting exhausted trying to figure out how to help him without always being on his case. It was night and we were sitting on the couch. We just had yet another confrontation, and my emotions were a mixture of desperation, exhaustion, and love. I looked at him and said firmly, "You need to just stop getting mad."  He sat there for a moment and then looked up at me in tears and said, "I can't, I've tried to stop getting angry, and I. just. can't."

And there I had it - a teachable moment staring me in my face. A choice to raise instead of react.

Humanity's response would be to say, "Choose to stop and figure it out," or "Stop making excuses!" or "Just go to bed!"

But what is it I work day in and day out to teach my kids? That they NEED a Savior. That they have a desperate need for God. And here it was, staring me in my face.

By God's grace I was calmer than I had been all evening. Everyone got quiet and I looked at him and I agreed with him as I said, "You're right, you can't stop, but that's why we need God. Where you are right now, is exactly where He wants you to be. He wants you to know that you can't so that He can. He can help you. And He so desperately wants you to ask Him.

Pointing our children to God, that's what it's all about. Dan and I couldn't figure out the answers, that's for sure. We need the same God that our child needs to live this life. And He's there, He's living, and He wants us as badly as we need Him.

My child went to bed that night and asked a living God to help him control his temper. And I felt relief. I had help. Not another parenting book, not an article on the internet, but the knowledge that the Creator of my child would help my child because he asked Him.

We took it to the Word. You know the One that is living, breathing, and changes lives? I did a word study with him on what the Proverbs say about anger. My son is not the only one that started changing. 

You know that Word of God that's been there for so many years and came from the mouth of God? It's still alive. It's still working. Still changing people. It's changing me. I've become less angry. Less reactionary. More patient.

Perfect? Never. Becoming more like Christ? Yes.

And my hard to raise child? God's working in him too. I've seen him be able to overcome a blowup, where a few weeks ago he couldn't. Perfect? No. Changing and growing? Yes.

Find the teachable moments with your kids. Don't let frustration and weariness keep you from seeing an opportunity to share Jesus. It's so worth it.

And I'm praising God.

For without Him, I can't.

Are They Your Chidren?

We were shopping  today at a store our family likes to frequent whenever we visit Springfield. I won't tell you which one, because I'm sure they will remember us for a long time, and I wouldn't want you to mention our names there. They may hire a lookout and put up a "closed" sign when they see us coming. I'm not sure, but it's possible.

This particular store has the option of a ramp or stairs to get to the lower level. Much to Dan's dismay, our kids love the ramp and could spend the whole shopping experience running up and down it at high speeds. This bothers Dan immensely; which I don't really understand. I find it peaceful to shop by myself all the while being able to hear my children's racing games and see their heads bobbing up and down the ramp.  (Especially because there is a bit of a distance between me and them, and no one knows they're mine.....)  (Please don't think ill of me...) Dan is a bit more concerned with the behavior of our children in stores, and the peace of the other customers than I am. Oh, and the sanity of the workers....

I had left the children in Dan's care while I went to try on a few items that I didn't need. The dressing rooms are located right by the stairs to the lower level, but far away from the ramp. As I was peacefully trying on clothes I heard this noise - clunk, clatter, clunk, rattle, clatter, clatter, clank. "That sounds like a shopping cart is being pushed down the stairs!" I thought incredulously to myself. "I can't believe someone would do that! I'm sure glad it's not my kids, they would never think to do that!"

About that same moment, I heard Dan's not so happy (but not so loud) voice, "Zackary!!" he said in a controlled low voice, "You don't push shopping carts down the stairs!"  (As if one should NEED to say that to one's child!) In a bit of a shocked state I decided that I was in the safest place in the store at the moment, and that I would just stay in the dressing room for a little while longer. I figured Dan had it under control, and there was no need for me to try to help out. Plus, truth be told, I wanted the store to clear out before anyone knew that I was the mom......

The shopping cart survived, as did Zackary. There will be no more races on the ramp, and I didn't buy any of the clothing that I spent an abundance of time trying on. Mostly because the sizes are mismarked.....

The clerks smiled at us as we left the store, and I'm pretty sure it was because they were just happy to see us go.

We may, or may not, return. Ever.